LEARNING TO LET GO (TOL#19)

One of the (many) things that I’m not good at is letting go. I really need to work on that.

letting go

I am, however, really REALLY excellent at holding on to things. Not just physical things – although there is a slight, ever so teeny tiny, chance that I may possibly be a small, wee little bit of a packrat #dontjudgeme #everythinghasmeaning #yesimustkeepallofit – but feelings and all that other hokey mushy stuff.

Like, I can take something that happened (not a good thing) or was said to me (something not nice) YEARS ago, or some way that something made me feel (bad, guilty, terrible, sad, whatever), and I’ll hold on to it, ruminate over it, stew about it, play it over and over and OVER again in my head even though it’s long since been over or said. And I probably should have moved on already.

I am certain this is why my anxiety level can shoot through the roof at any given moment. I do it to myself. I need to let it go. I need to let the past be the past.

How do I do that, though? I just don’t know.

Lately, I’ve been really tired. Like, my eyes don’t even want to stay open tired. Almost as if the weight of ALL. THE. THINGS. is just pushing me down and I feel like I’m slogging through thick mud. At first, I thought maybe it was the humidity. I mean, it’s damn hot and the humidity is even worse. It’s humuggity to the max around these parts! I also thought I might be getting sick. You know, one of those awful summer colds. Blech! And then I started to wonder. Maybe it’s because I’m holding on to feelings that I should really be letting go.

I just realized that to be true as I typed that. The immediate burst of tears clued me in. I’m holding on to feelings that are bringing me down. Feelings that were most likely brought on by some recent events, and fueled by the past. Feelings that I’m feeling because I’m letting others dictate relationships – relationships with history. Feelings that I’ve holding on to for entirely TOO LONG.

I guess the realization of it all is probably a step in the right direction? Maybe understanding that will help me to process them and move those feelings on out the door? I need to take control.

How do I take control of emotions that have HAD control for entirely too long? I need to learn how to do that.

Per my norm, I feel bad that I am asking for help rather than providing it with this post. I’m the one people turn TO for help/advice/an ear/a shoulder to cry on. In all honesty, it makes me nervous to admit all these things and ask for help. I feel like I should be strong enough and knowledgable enough to deal with all of this and then share my knowledge. I AM STRONG and INDESTRUCTIBLE, after all.

Maybe not so much.

Tell me:

  • Is it hard for you to let go of negative feelings?
  • Any tips for taking control of emotions that run wild?

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I’d like to thank Amanda for letting me Thinking Out Loud <3

12 COMMENTS

  1. Mehndi | 9th Oct 17

    Thank very much you for this. It has helped me a lot to let go of something I have not been able to let go of!

  2. The Sunday Skinny 7/16/17 - Skinny Fitalicious | 16th Jul 17

    […] Learning To Let Go – I think we all can relate to this feeing. […]

  3. SuzLyfe | 15th Jul 17

    Sending you so much love. I could have written this post so many times over the past year. I wouldn’t say that I’ve gotten better at letting things go, but what I have improved on (incrementally, mind you) is accepting where I am and my life, in that moment. I’m not always amazing at doing that, but I’m getting better.

    • Jennifer
      Jennifer | 16th Jul 17

      It’s so hard. Sometimes I feel like I’ve done myself a disservice by not working on this sooner but I guess maybe I wasn’t in a position to learn what I needed to learn then? I don’t know. I’m just so amazed by your strength and I’m really trying to learn from it. You and a few others are my strength role-models. haha. Seriously though, I know there are so many things I need to work on and I’m finally coming to terms with it all. It’s not fun and it’s definitely not easy. Life, and people, can really suck sometimes, you know? Thank you so much for the love! I really do feel it and I need it. Sending some back your way too, my friend! <3

  4. Megan @ Skinny Fitalicious | 13th Jul 17

    You’re so brave for writing this. I think so many of go through these phases but keep them inside.

    • Jennifer
      Jennifer | 13th Jul 17

      Thank you! I think you are definitely right about many people going through this and not sharing. It’s what I’ve done for years! Which, clearly, hasn’t been the right choice. I’m hoping that letting it out, as awkward and uncomfortable and hard as it may be, will help me find real balance. Like, real honest balance where I’m comfortable and confident in who I am at any given moment and not just putting on a mask to get by.

  5. San | 13th Jul 17

    Oh boy, it’s SO HARD for me to let go of feelings/events from the past… especially when I feel I have been perceived wrong/misunderstood or if I was rejected.
    For the most part, I have managed to put these thoughts out of my mind by reminding myself that a) not everybody is going to like me (or vice versa) and that’s ok and b) that often things are not about me, but the other person. Still, every now and then I go back and replay these situations in my head and still try to work out what went wrong.

    • Jennifer
      Jennifer | 13th Jul 17

      It’s hard not to go back and revisit it all. It’s almost as if I have to dissect it but then, I never figure anything out so I keep dissecting and then I’m just left with a big ole mess. And I hate messes! I like your ways to put those thoughts out of your mind – especially b. Thank you for sharing those! I’m going to try to remind myself of those things. I’ll probably plaster sticky notes all over the place just to help me. haha

  6. Rachael Miner | 13th Jul 17

    I feel like I could have written this post! I have those moments that are burned into my mind, like a comment that was made x number of years ago, like why do I hold onto that and the feelings associated with it? Honestly, I think everyone does this to a degree and while it’s not exactly healthy we are only human. There is nothing wrong with being the one people turn to for a listening ear, but in turn you need someone to talk to so you’re not carrying what feels like seven million burdens alone. What’s been a big help to me is taking time out to be by myself and actively process something that has happened, how I feel about it, and being more open with people about how I’m doing and what I’m really going through. Journaling is also a help because I just write, I don’t worry about spelling or anything, sometimes it’s just a jumbled mess of notes but at least I’m processing and can go back to evaluate those things. Just know you are NOT in this alone. Sending lots of love your way <3

    • Jennifer
      Jennifer | 13th Jul 17

      Thank you! I think journaling would definitely help – it’s just sitting down and doing it and not feeling like I need to start with “dear diary.” haha But seriously, that’s an excellent idea and I do have a brand new notebook sitting on my desk waiting for words. I’ve had it …. holy cow, since May! … and I haven’t used it yet. Maybe it was just waiting for that suggestion. <3

  7. Chocolaterunsjudy | 13th Jul 17

    Oh yeah, you could be describing me. Not the tears or tiredness — I mean, I’m tired a lot, but not quite that bad, I think — although it’s less humid up here. Humidity sucks the life out of you.

    I do find affirmations and meditating helpful with that. Doesn’t mean I still don’t do it, but I do it less. A work in progress.

    • Jennifer
      Jennifer | 13th Jul 17

      Humidity really does suck the life out. It’s so gross! I should probably try meditating. I think it would probably help. Maybe it would get me to a place where I could clear my mind and relax. The hard part is sitting still! And then turning off my brain. haha! I struggle during yoga – my brain doesn’t like to chill out.

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