If you read my BlogFest recap, you’ll know that one of the things I learned while I was in Vegas was about finding my “why.” It came from a quote that Darren Hardy made during his keynote address and it really resonated with me. I’m fairly certain that I’ve finally found my why – took me long enough, right?! – and I’ve been moving towards it over this past year. Unfortunately, I’ve had my share of struggles along the way. Guess that’s all part of that pesky “how” part.
Well, some of it is with the “how” and some of it is with my own personal motivation. I know that I’ve talked about some of my stress and anxiety issues lately and honestly, I’ve been dealing with those for quite some time. They finally got to be too much, bubbled on up and came out and made me face them directly. I think I’ve just been so focused on pushing those back down for so long that I let my motivation and drive to succeed just fall to the side. I was too busy to think about it.
I honestly can’t remember when I worked really hard for something that I really, really wanted. And that’s
a little really freaking depressing. Because I have NOT always been that way. I’m generally pretty competitive and when I put my mind to something, I make it happen. Exhibit A: I would not have ever even RUN my first marathon, much less 7 more, if I didn’t work hard to get myself to that starting line with the knowledge that I could finish.
I think I may actually have narrowed down when I stumbled and being able to identify it also makes me a little sad. I’m not quite ready to put the “when” out there yet as I still have lots to work through and figure out. And before you go thinking crazy things, it’s nothing God-awful or illegal and anything that caused physical harm to me. I just think it’s when I really started to look into what “depression” actually meant and I kinda became numb because I closed off. Safer that way, you know?
Anyway, over the past few years, some things have been easier than others (um, hello, LIFE) but right now, nothing really seems easy at all and I’m super frustrated. Not that I’m into that whole “instant gratification” thing but it’s possible (read: probable) I’ve gotten a little lazy and I feel like I just want things to go my way because, dammit, I WANT them to. Why shouldn’t they? Haven’t I worked hard my whole life? HAVEN’T I BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH?
I know, I know. I’ve got to get over myself. And I’ve definitely been around long enough to know that life does not work like that and things are not always going to go my way. I feel a little like I’m floating from one thing to the next without anything to anchor me. It’s weird and I don’t like it.
It’s just a matter of figuring out how to get myself back to where I used to be – motivated and focused and ready to put in that work.
So, how am I going to do this? Well, it would probably be a really good idea to work through these things with a therapist. Except, I cancelled my most recent appointment and I’m not sure I want to go back. Not that I feel like it wasn’t helping, it’s just that something was different in my last appointment. Can’t put my finger on it but something just didn’t feel right. I wasn’t comfortable. I felt silly being there. Maybe it’s her. It’s more than likely me. I don’t know. We’ll see where I go from here.
That being said, I’m going to try some things on my own to see if I can boost my motivation/enthusiasm and be like Stella and get my groove back. Because I have things I want to do.I lost my groove. Some things I'm trying so I can be like Stella and get it back. Click To Tweet
1. I used to be queen of the post-it notes. Don’t get me wrong, I still love them, I’m just not using them like I used to. I used to write my goals and motivational sayings down on them and stick them to my mirror, on the computer, on the wall, etc. Places I would SEE them daily. I need to get back to that. I need to write my goals down and put them places that I can SEE them and be REMINDED of my WHY and what I am working towards.
2. I was SUPER motivated after BlogFest and ready to do ALL the things. Right up until my ridiculous travel day home and then I got sick with airplane flu and all I wanted to do was sleep. And that motivation went pfffttttt…..right down the drain and the stress of everything moved back in. I had grand plans of writing it all down but just never did. I need to hold myself to that. I need to write down the things that I want to do and WHY I want to do them. Maybe it’s journalling every day. Maybe it’s just making a to-do list. (I <3 a good list!!) Whatever. I don’t know about you but if I write something down, I’m more likely to accomplish it. Mostly because I can remember it. haha But seriously though. Writing stuff down helps to keep me accountable.
3. Believe in myself. I mean, if I don’t believe in myself, who’s going to? I have to believe in myself and my WHY. I also need to stop letting my anxiety take over. I’m still working on that one, that’s for sure. I’ve been reading this book ….
…and I need to finish it. Jen’s got some great advice that I really, really need to heed.
I don’t know if you’ve ever felt this way before but if it’s not just me, maybe some of those things will help you too. Or maybe you have other ideas or tips to share? I’m definitely ALL ears.
Thank you so much, Amanda, for letting me Think Out Loud. <3